The Ugly

Thursday, 24 December 2015 0 Comments

Archives from Diary
Date : 25th April 2014

I always gaze at these wheat fields while travelling back from work everyday. This is the time of the day when I am at peace with my inner self. It is an insightful time that I like to spend with myself.  I long for this time and this isolation has earned me some bad reputation amongst my colleagues as well. But there are some new collaborations that I have created. I have been seing these wheat fields  since past six months now and have built an unattached association with them.  The vast fields and beautiful sunsets have become a part of my routine now. When I first saw them it was November, they were all lush green, alive, completely full of life, full of colors. The exuberant green had some kind of euphoria which could bring you in a temporary divine state. It just soothed and pleased my eyes every time I glanced at them. Its a picture that shows us how prosperous and beautiful life is. Full of colors, lively and content just like these fields.  

Then came March, the green fields started turning up golden. One day returning from work I realized that everything was turned golden. Where has the color green disappeared? I asked myself. Did I wake up from a dream? Sometimes the transitions are slow but yet they seem abrupt. Now the field had worn a new attire, the golden attire. Green was superseded by Golden, so were the thoughts. Changes are always hard to accept and golden also didn’t seem to be welcoming but it altogether brought a different mood of life. A more harsh yet very bright, more sharp but yet very mature. The color could just instantly catch your attention give you  a sense of reality. It was not a color that would soothe you but a color that stood up straight and self reliant, in those vast fields elucidating its own identity, giving a message of its sheer presence. A catchy presence which could not be ignored. The same green fields which had abundance of life now could also be dry and rough.

It is April now, the to time to harvest the crops. Those green turned golden fields have started disappearing. The fields look now ugly and crushed. The fields have gone bald showing the earthly scalp which is not a good sight to see. In this course of six months I had formed a connection with these wheat fields. And this face of these fields is not engaging and I do not identify them. But I wonder how is it possible that the same fields could be all three. Green, Golden and Ugly. How could something so beautiful turn so terrible. But that is how the nature cycle works. Their disappearance is disturbing yet it shouts out a strong meaning. I think we people are synonymous to these wheat fields. We are green, golden and ugly. Sometimes beautiful and sometime unpleasant. It is like two sides of a coin, we can see only one side but yet the existence of the other side cannot be denied. There is ugliness inside all of us and all the things in the world. Though we do not identify with it but it touches our lives time to time.

There is an ugly face.


The Magic

Tuesday, 15 September 2015 6 Comments

Archives from Diary
Date : 31st May 2014

I never believed in any kind of Magic, just thought it to be a magicians trick. I think we were so smart as kids that even Jinny from Aladdin didn't impress us and we always knew there is no such thing called magic. For me it only existed in mythological stories or on AXN.

But something has really changed my perception now. Something really incredible happened to me. It was the fourth day of my Roopkund trek and we gained some good elevation that day. Also the melting ice made the whole trail slippery and muddy, with hill on one side and deep gorges on the other. Since I was taking lots of pictures and being a slow person I was far behind the entire group on trail but a fellow trekker chose to accompany me. 

I was panting and full of dizziness. I think the altitude sickness was slowly hitting me, the elevation was around 14000ft. Being exhausted after four days of walking, I didn't want to take even a single step further. In these long treks which span for several days there are some phases when you become a zombie, you are out of energy, motivation and excitement.  So this was my Zombie day. A question, "Why the hell am I here" was crossing my mind continuously, as if my tired body wanted an answer from my mind. When I was in my own shell mourning and dooming, the fellow friend just brought to my notice a tiny cloud in the sky. I looked up, it was bright blue sky with sun shining to its fullest. The sky looked so magnificent and gorgeous that attempting to put it into words would be foolishness.

There was just this one miniature cloud in the whole sky. Just this white cloud. It was too small that if I had to scale it , it would be the 1/1000th part of the visible sky. I looked all 360 degree around, there was no other cloud or for that matter anything in the sky. I looked at it for good 2 minutes through my dizzy eyes and then looked at the whole sky. I didn't realize that the tears started rolling down  my cheeks. It just made me discern something. It made me to admit that we all have to walk alone. That minuscule cloud was making its way and presence in this infinitely big sky. Truly we all make our way alone, irrespective of how infinitely big hurdles are. The moment we start depending on our surroundings, we lose our way. We all are alone in this universe and have to make our own way.
After realizing all this existential stuff, which I sometimes do, I wiped my tears and shared my thoughts with my trek buddy and we both just started to walk. I again looked up towards the sky and I was in a state of complete shock. There was no cloud in the sky. How can a cloud vanish from the middle of the sky in few seconds. I couldn't believe my eyes and asked my fellow thrice that was there a cloud and did he show me one. And if there was one, where did it disappear ? It was a jolt to my senses. I asked him again, was there a cloud few seconds back and now it is not? To which he smiled and replied that it was Magic. I shook my head in disbelief.

Yes it was some magic, the magic sometimes God plays with all of us.